Saturday, September 26, 2009

Where the Wind Blows..

It is a GLORIOUS morning here in the Arklatex... one in which golfers are busy cracking their clubs even before the sun has hit a decent rise. I tried to stay in bed for a while, but the laughter of "nice shots" drew me to the window.

I stood there watching the leaves dance to the rhythm of the wind, then decided to open up all the windows and invite the nice breeze in. The coolness of it awakened my senses and I was happy to have that moment. As balls fluttered in opposite-desired directions, leaves danced and senses awakened I thought about that scripture:
"The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit..." John 3:8.

Meditating on what it means to be born of the Spirit, I began to wonder how in the heck I ended up in this place, on this morning, doing this very thing.

I want to rewind back one day and let you into the dark, secret parts of my life... the parts that are difficult to share... the parts that are humiliating and humbling...but the parts that ferociously change, sanctify and move my spirit as freely as the wind...

I started the day off right: sipping orange truffle coffee, dressing in a pretty outfit, playing up my eyes and lips and straightening my hair... making all efforts to feel comfortable, confident and energetic.

I walked out of the apartment thinking, "I look pretty, I feel great and I'm going to work really hard... but tonight, I will be dressed up with no place to go and no friends to see." As the thought depressed me and feelings of loneliness began to overtake my spirit, I turned the corner, saw the truck and decided to only focus on what God gives in every single moment - and in that moment I thanked him for allowing me to drive, go to work and be independent... so off I went.

The day drew on... I laughed with patients, I grieved with them... I assisted, I encouraged... I did paperwork, I giggled with co-workers... I accomplished, I went home alone.... I fed Fancy, I turned on the television... I ate a cheeseburger, I felt tired... I turned off the television, I sat in silence...I thought of family, I thought of friends... I thought of those with love, I thought of those without... I felt alone, I felt nothing... I went to sleep, I woke up...

Then suddenly, through the beauty of a morning wind and the coolness of a new day - real love, clarity, truth come barreling into the soul: "The steadfast love of the Lord NEVER ceases...great is Your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in Him." Lam.3:22-24.

No matter how many different places I see or friends I make; how many outfits I purchase or products I apply; how many meals I eat or movies I watch; how many patients I serve or lives I touch... one thing remains the same... the steadfast love of the Lord - and while I am born of the Spirit, drifting from emotional mountaintop to valley...He remains the same, His truth unwavering, His passion unveiling, His ferociousness frightening and His love freeing...

And His plan may move me to a place I feel all but comfortable in, but one in which I experience more of His favor and provision, than ever before on my journey...

So I'll continue to move as the wind moves, continue to be sanctified by the mysterious Holy Spirit, blowing from one glorious mountaintop, right into a depressing valley - all the while experiencing a steadfast, never-changing love of a Good Father.

"Wondrous Lord,

Thank You for caring more for my soul, rather than my physical comfort. Thank You for caring more about my wisdom than my nightlife. Thank You for caring more about my discernment, than my ability to line up dates far and wide. And finally, Thank You for Who You are. Thank You for loving a wretch like me.

Always Yours,